May 9th.
It is surreal to me that I would have had a two year old.
Kyler's birthday and mothers day are back to back and when this week approaches it feels like a punch to the stomach.
On May 11, 2013 I remember leaving the labor and delivery building after spending two wonderful days with my son, only to be leaving the hospital empty handed. Honestly, unbearable doesn't even begin to describe how me and my husband were feeling. Then to have the very next day be a day to celebrate mothers was completely soul wrenching.
Every year I feel a little anxiety when May starts to creep up. I'm learning how to celebrate this day with an angel baby and an earth baby, yet I realize I will always feel like something is missing from this day. It will never be perfect until I am able to hold both of my children in my arms.
.......
.......
This year for Kyler's second birthday we got him a cake and his little sister did not hesitate to help out her big brother eat his birthday cake. :)
For mothers day, all I wanted was to hold both my babies in my arms but having Iris sit by his grave felt close enough,
for now.
I hope Iris grows up feeling close to her big brother, knowing he's always watching out for her. I hope she feels comfortable talking to us about him and is aware of how big of an impact he has on our lives.
"I do everything a little differently because you were here. Your short life has shaped my existence forever."
-Jane Lloyd
Happy second birthday, my son.
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