Healing

For as long as I can remember, I've always been an extremely sensitive person.  When I was a child I recall feeling emotions so deeply and I was effected by e v e r y t h i n g. 

 Unfortunately, being a sensitive soul in this cruel world hardens you, and without even realizing it I got in the habit of numbing myself from feeling anything too intense.

I thought this was a completely fine way to handle things...

until Kyler came into my world.

One of the heaviest things to ever happen in my life, and after all the chaos ended, I was left with a giant hole in my heart and numbness all over my body. 

I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad.  

I wasn't anything.

The number I got, the further Kyler slipped away...

I realized the way I was trying to protect myself was actually holding me back from remembering my son.

I feel guilty for wasting so much time with my head in the clouds.

I had heard a lot of people talk about meditation and how it could help with releasing built up emotions and had humored the idea back and forth for a while. 

I came across a yoga/meditation page on Instagram and as I read some of the posts I started to understand that it could be more than just a physical practice.
 It could mentally and spiritually change your life as well.  Reading some of the posts gave me inspiration to incorporate it into my life.  

I believe everything happens for a reason and I am so grateful I stumbled on this page.  

Although I am still beginning, and by no means is it easy for me, it has tremendously changed my life.

As I sit an meditate, I think about my Kyler.  I try to let all of my emotions rise to the surface.

Sometimes I cry and cry and cry. 

And I've realized that it's okay.  And I am so grateful that I do.

When I close my eyes and meditate it is my time with Kyler.  It is the start of healing both my mind and body after everything I have gone through.  

 It is my time when I shut out all of the nonsense of the world and embrace the quiet space around me.
It has been such an emotional journey that isn't even close to being done.

I am so extremely grateful that I have found a way to work through the numbness, anger, guilt and sadness.  After each session, I am another step closer to finding the strength to feel my emotions and release my guilt as well as continuing to strengthen the bond with Kyler.  I consider that time "our" time.   The time for us to connect with each other spiritually.